Babies.........

For as long as I can remember, my child hood, pre-teen, teen, and early twenties all had a common thought to them; that I never wanted kids. I could give you a million different reasons as to why I thought this, and I am sure I still could today. I figured I would just be that super cool aunt that my nieces and nephews could come to when their parents just "didn't get them." I still want and am that aunt but for the past 5yrs (estimated) I have gone back and forth about wanting or not wanting a baby. Then about 2yrs ago, all the way up until around my wedding, I wanted a baby, for sure! It was in my "plans" to be married for at least 2yrs before we started a family (I'm a planner to the T). To have A (key word, A) mini Mitch or Tarsha combination. Due to some things that occurred around my wedding I became very jaded about having children. It seemed like more of a hassle than a blessing. Since then, I have come up with reason after reason as to why we should not have kids. Many people ask "but don't you want a child of your own?" But I don't need a "child of my own." I feel like I would have to be really insecure to feel that way, like it was a competition and to me, as I have said before, biological or not, Darby IS my child. But it seems as though babies are every where I go lately and in every conversation. My friend just had a baby, another friend has been trying, another that I just found out is pregnant, one that is about to start trying and a large handful of acquaintance's that are either due any day now or having some issues. I feel like there is never a quote "normal" pregnancy. Some people that want a child have a hard time conceiving while others can simply be looked at and they are pregnant in an instance. For the most part, it doesn't seem like an easy road in some ways.
It's not that I don't like kids, because I do, it's just the fact that I, A) worry about everything and B) am not ready to stop being selfish. A lot of people say that knowing reason B is great because there are so many parents out there that are still selfish and think it's all about them. Anyway, yesterday I was blessed enough to have the opportunity to watch and welcome my nephew come into this world. Amazing! It was wonderful to be a part of it, but also very hard to see someone, especially my sister in that much pain, but the joy that rushed over her face as soon as she heard him cry and got to hold her son was worth it.

In Sex And The City 2, there is a scene where Carrie and Big are asked if they are going to have kids, and when Carrie responded that is just wasn't them, the other couple looked at them disgusted and like they had 4 heads. That is EXACTLY how I feel when I tell people that I don't want kids (right now).Right now, for me, my life is too busy and I am not ready to give it up or to be as responsible as one with a child needs, let me re-phrase, SHOULD be. Plus, today, raising a child cost around $2million dollars!!!!! I don't have that kind of money! Now, I know that everyone says you find the money to make it happen, but I figure I have planned my life out enough to go the way I want it to that I don't want to "find" the money to make it work, I want to have it and feel comfortable with my choice when and if I decide to have a child. So for now, the stork will remain at bay and I will enjoy my life with my husband. And like Carrie says in SATC 2 "Me and You, just us two." And so the tug-of-war battle to have a baby or not to have a baby continues.