And another?

    So we decided that we would have another baby last night. I had told Mitch a little while ago that I think  I wanted another and without any pressure or really without me even bringing it up, he goes to me last night "I'm ready for another baby." It made me almost as happy as when he told me he was ready for our first! So anyway, I am excited and  happy but last night as I laid in bed I couldn't help but cry and wonder a thousand things.  Am I being selfish? Should I just be happy with what God already gave me? What if something is wrong with the baby?  Will Adrien be upset or sad not having my undivided attention 95% of the time? and a thousand more questions and tears flowed. I had very similar feelings about Darby when we had Adrien. Would she be mad? Would she feel like we don't  love her as much? I was worried because I know I was pissed when  my little brother was born and I felt like they loved him more.
    September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month and it has swallowed me whole! It also has a lot to do with all my fears  about having another baby. I see and read all these stories of the parents and families that are forced to face these heart-wrenching situations, and although I know I am a very strong person, I just don't know if I am that strong! I know you don't know how strong you are until you are put in a tough situation, but I literally pray to God to not deal me that hand. I know  no  one  asks to be dealt that hand either. And you can think I am mean or whatever, but honestly I don't know how my mom did it and still does it with  my brother Justin, who doesn't  have cancer but a form of epilepsy.
    My  second cousins son died of cancer 2 years ago at the age of 2, I follow a couple on Facebook  that I know as the deal with cancer with  their now 6yr old daughter and I follow Ronan Thompson's mom Maya on Instagram and I swear I have a breakdown every time I read their stories. Their strength and heartache are just too much some days and I wonder how they even do it. I am a mess of sobbing tears anytime I listen to Taylor Swifts song  "Ronan" and I  don't know how I would even go on with life without my babies.
    So these are the things that plague  my mind right now in what should be a  very exciting time.  And it is exciting....but it's also so  scary!

Adrien Jett Donar Arrived

I went to the doctors on 1/28/14 to see how I was progressing as I had finally reached 40 weeks and according to the many apps on my phone, it was my due date. My progress check hurt like hell, but my doctor explained that if I could stand the pain a bit more then she could "loosen my membranes" and it might put a jump start on this whole delivery thing. HOLY *bleeping* CRAP! The doctor had recently started to become concerned with how much fluid I was retaining as well as some other tests that were done. She said "I think we might induce you tonight." HUH?! I was a bit panicked. Would my husband be able to make it? How soon? What about work? I hadn't logged off my computer, just simply locked it so I could finish up my work when I got back that afternoon. After my doctor talked to the high risk delivery team they decided that I did not need to be induced, but that I was not to work anymore. I put up a bit of a fight because I was working on directions on how to complete reports that I did. I am soo close to completing  them! I made a deal with the doctor that I would go back to work the next morning and leave by noon. I went to cheering practice that night to inform my assistant coach and my girls. Home that night and all was well. I was excited that I would soon be able to meet our son.

The next morning I jumped, or more so quickly rolled out of bed as fast as I could from pain which had somehow manifested itself into my dream. About cheering of course. A few pangs of serious pain and I realized I was in labor! Eeek! I make my way downstairs and log on to work while writing down how long  my contractions are lasting and how far apart they are. 4:14am 20 seconds long, 4:20am 20 seconds long, 4:30am 10 seconds long.... you get the picture.6:04am 35 seconds long and intensifying we get Darby up to get ready for school. Mitch is semi frantic in the sense that he doesn't  know what to do....."we'll get Darby ready and  bring her to school and head to the hospital." I hope in the shower quick while he brings her to school, "Go as fast as you can without getting a  ticket I tell him"and off we go!

We arrive at the hospital  around 8 am and Mitch asks if I want him to get me a wheelchair. No! Obviously!  I want to walk it out and move this labor along not to mention I don't like asking for help.......stupidest answer ever! It was like THE longest walk to the maternity ward and the whole time I am cursing out whomever designed this layout! Get to the counter, grasping onto it and bent over my huge self and I say "I'm here to check in." The guard says "and for what?" With the look of death and the "are you an idiot voice" I say "to have a ba-by!" Really?! I'm checking into the maternity ward and I am huge....what do you think I'm here for?  a game of chess?!

I get checked in and the attendees come to check on me and get my vitals and all that jazz.  Let me just say....this was not the day for me to deal with stupid people. And I know they are not stupid.....but they sure did act like it. I am NOT a person that likes to be touched, especially when I am sick. Many friends and certainly my husband have learned this. Watch from afar and ask every now and again if I need anything but for the love of God, DO.NOT.TOUCH.ME! So here they are rubbing my back and arm. Placing their hand on my leg.....all the while looking at Mitch like he is the worst husband ever! I mean, what a dick. He's not even comforting his wife. haha NO. he is sitting back, wide-eyed, waiting for his wife to lose it on one of them  for 1. touching  her and 2. asking how she's feeling every 2 seconds. News flash...I feel like I'm having a baby so I'm not feeling too peachy-keen there hunny! They meant well I know,  but they were not gentle and they really needed to work on their bedside manner. Anyway, I am 5-7cm dilated and they leave. I sit there....umm did I just pee or did my water break?
We finally get checked into the room and they nurses keep trying to have me sit on a medicine ball. Perhaps it works great, but the last thing I want to do is sit on this thing and ultimately put more pressure on my lower region. Thanks, but no thanks! I finally get in the shower and tell Mitch "you are holding that friggin shower-head on my back until we get this epidural."  I can see him backing up and trying to cover his shoes with the curtain so they don't get wet. Are you kidding me?! haha

1pm and I finally get an epidural. I am not one for drugs, but give me an epidural anytime!! My sister Tiffany arrived shortly after I think and I was ready for a nap. Tiffany says "Can you feel that?!" and with a smile on my  face and  my eyes  closed "Nope!" I guess I had a huge contraction.  Anyway, Dr.  come in around 4 and say the baby will be here  within 1/2hr so I am  texting people. Woo hoo! 6pm rolls around and nothing so Mitch and Tiff go get gigantic  salads while I sit there  eating ice chips. Cool  guys. real cool! 7pm the pitocin starts and my mom arrives! Meanwhile I have been   pushing every so often but now we're going to get this show on the road...for real.....like 3hrs later.  January 29, 2014 at 9:49pm Adrien Jett Donar finally decided to make his way into this world weighing 6lbs  13oz and 21" long! And I finally get to meet him and hold him as he lays on my chest......and poops all over me. lol I was seriously so tired I couldn't even cry and I felt terrified to hold  him. I have since made up for it.
It's the best story I could ever tell!

28 weeks

Wow! I haven't "blogged" in a while. I usually do it in my head, which kind of foregoes the sharing aspect of it all since I can barely remember my name. haha Soooo Not much new. The Dr. confirmed that we are having a boy at my 20 week appointment. They also scared the crap out of me as my "neuro tube" numbers came back slightly out of range during my level 2 ultrasound meaning he could have a neuro tube defect such as spina bifida. The lab they use has a scale of up to 200 and mine was 225. The genetic counselor (doesn't that sound so scary?!) said that other labs have a range of 250 and that it would be completely fine, but their lab only goes to 200. Where they did my appointment backwards of having the ultrasound and then the blood work done instead of the blood work and then the ultra sound they weren't too concerned because they didn't see anything wrong in my 20week ultrasound but they still had me come in for another scan in which they confirmed they didn't see any abnormalities. But I will go back at 32 weeks to have another ultrasound JUST to be sure. You know the whole "no news is good news" and when you get that call, even though they tell you not to worry and that they're not concerned you become an emotional wreck.........yeah that was no fun! Thank goodness is was less than 24hrs from when they called me to when they could get me in. Needless to say I was EXHAUSTED after from sheer panic!

Other than that "excitement" all has been well. Mr. man is moving more and more. His kicks are WAY more noticeable at 6 months than they were a little while ago. I sat up one night by myself being "hard core" as Mitch called it because I was up past our 9pm bedtime, but I was not tired and feared going to bed only to get up because my legs were flailing from restless leg syndrome! Ugh! That is SO annoying! I had it before my pregnancy but not as often. Anyway, I am happy I stayed up because I got to see my stomach literally move as he kicked. It made me laugh out loud and smile ear-to-ear! How lucky am I to be able to experience this gift?! So blessed!

16 weeks!

I am 16 weeks pregnant now. I thought I would have more of a cute little baby belly by now but it's still more of a fatty belly. I shouldn't complain, I still fit in my size 6 on most days although they are starting to get a bit uncomfortable. The thing that has gotten bigger, my boobs! I wish I had these things all the time!

So we told our family after my 9 week appointment which was nice because it was my moms birthday in which she said "i didn't think you were ever going to have a baby!" Ok, ok. I get it. I took my time. Haha.the rest of our families were thrilled but the best part was telling Darby! We told her on our drive up north for camping. I have attached the video. Haha 

After my 13 week appt. we announced it to everyone and u can't believe how many people liked or commented on my Facebook post! Who knew a baby would bring THAT much happiness from so many different people. 

9 weeks - That heartbeat ROCKS!

I am 9 weeks today and had my ultra sound. That perfect little heartbeat rocked my world today! VERY happy tears started streaming down my face as soon as I saw it! I could have had a full out breakdown but every time I took a big breath/cry I couldn't see my little baby so I tried to calm down. I could see a little leg and arm.....holy what a wonderful wonderful feeling and sight. Mitch is pumped. :) I finally told my sisters, mom, and dad. It's my mom's birthday so thankfully my sister Nichole went to her house and "Face timed" me so I could tell her face to face and see her reaction. Which was a stunned look, followed by crying and asking me repeatedly if I was serious, and then with a "I didn't think you were ever going to." LOL I know. I get it. I waited a while. haha I traded in my "What To Expect" Book that I had just bought since my sister Tiffany already has it along with a few others and opted for a more casual and funny book called "The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy." I read reviews online and people were saying how the "What to Expect" book gave a lot of what if's and bad situations. I figured that's probably not the 1st book I need to read since I already fret a ton! No really change with anything else. I am dying to tell Darby! She had her GirlScout banquet tonight and I wanted to tell her so bad or show her the pictures but I really wanted tonight to be about HER! She's so awesome. So hopefully I can tell her soon. I will have to talk to daddy and see because when you tell a 6yr old something.....it's pretty much not a secret anymore although she does seem to do a very good job with things like Christmas presents. We'll see. So here is the 1st glimpse of baby Donar! :)

8 weeks

I am 8 weeks today. Wooo. People ask if I'm tired or hungry and I just wonder if they know me! I am always tired and I am always hungry, so I wouldn't say that its increased since I am pregnant. I had some slight nausea for about 3 days which consisted of me feeling like I could throw up, but knew the entire time that I really wouldn't. I'm not a puker at all. So that sucked. The only 2 symptoms I can confirm are that my boobs hurt (aren't you so happy you know that?! ugh) and that I am super emotional which really sucks because I am a pretty emotional person anyway. I think I came home every day last week saying how I wanted to cry because I either didn't feel well or I was tired. Sunday was the kicker though. Mitch and I were driving home from grocery shopping, so maybe I will actually eat healthy again, anyway, I told him I was hungry like I always do (usually multiple times) but then I thought I was going to cry because I was so hungry. I thought to myself "are you serious Tarsha?! You're going to friggin CRY because you're HUNGRY?!" Ugh. Anyway I hope that emotional overload goes away soon. In 1 week I get to hear the heartbeat (hopefully) for the first time! What a relief it will be to make it over this hump. I've actually told more people this time around although Mitch doesn't know that yet. Surprise hunny! I figured I would try and put more pressure on this baby so it would stick around. And the thing is, I'm usually GREAT at keeping secrets, but I am just so happy and want to tell everyone! I feel like I have "popped" already but I know it's just me or the fact that I had Taco Bell twice this weekend! Ewww who am I?! Anyway I am sure it has to do with my stellar diet lately and not running or really working out. I'll say it, I'm a head case when it comes to this shit. I over think anything and everything you can think of! But I think I will actually start working out again slightly because I am already freaked out about getting fat. I did lose all that weight pretty much so I could get pregnant, you know because I didn't want to be fat (for me) and then get fatter. Anyway, so that's my update for this week.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes.....

I am 6 weeks pregnant and very excited...and surprise surprise very nervous. Since I barely dare to walk I think I have only ran once since I found out. I feel like I'm an apple tree and if I run it's going to shake little "lentil bean" free. mmm I know it won't happen but I am scared to death to lose this little bugger. See, back story to this...we had a miscarriage in February and it kind of shattered me for a little bit. Darby had been bugging us, more specifically me for a baby, and preferably a baby sister. She asked for one for Christmas but no luck, but little did she know it was made on Christmas! Overshare? Sorry. Anyway, we went for my 9 week appointment but there was no heartbeat and the baby was only measuring at 6 weeks. :( Broke my heart! I had no clue and the thought had never crossed my mind. I never thought something so small and that I had never met before could break my heart so bad, but I loved that little baby from the start.  I cursed every person that got pregnant without even trying, had an abortion or any high schooler that accidentally got pregnant.  I did everything "right" that I am supposed to. I waited until I was married, settled, and ready for a baby. Took prenatal vitamins and I didn't drink an ounce of coffee after I found out. I did everything I was supposed to! It was just very unfair and heartbreaking, but I guess that's life. Everything happens for a reason right? I have always believed that; that God has a plan, but it was really hard to comprehend this time. I'm a pretty private person, though this blog may suggest otherwise, so I didn't tell anyone at the time. I needed to get through this and figure out what was going on with me. Wrap my head and heart around it. I didn't want people asking me how I was all the time. I hate that shit. When I was ready to talk about it I would. Anyway, here we are again and I am hoping little baby wants to stick around this time. Mitch is skeptical, which I get after last time, but excited none-the-less. So at exactly 6 weeks, 2 days after a nice 4 mile run I started spotting and the onset of EXTREME worrying set in since that's when baby #1 peaced out before. An ultrasound and 2 things of blood-work later I am happy to report that I am on the path to a healthy pregnancy. *phew!* Deep down I have known that I wanted a baby I am just naturally nervous and scared of what it will entail and what kind of mom I will be to someone full-time. I tear up every time I think of holding my baby or last night listening to Carrie Underwood's 'Jesus Take The Wheel' when she says "She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock." I can't wait to look in my backseat and see my little baby! Okay. To wrap this up I am unofficially due January 28th, 2014. So hopefully I make it through Regionals and possibly States before baby Donar arrives.....because you know that's my cheering season. haha So there it is! Yey!